Deviations from the Middle Path

I've been sitting in front of my PC for 15 minutes trying to think of what to write. Somehow nothing strikes me right now. So, some random thoughts are in order, I guess.

Over the last many years, I have attempted to adopt an attitude reflecting my understanding of Buddhist thought. Freedom from excessive desire is the way to happiness, I believe. And the Buddhist Middle Path of controlling one's wants and living with a certain detachment has long appealed to me as being a practical plan of behaviour.

I can hardly claim to be far down the path that promises so much. Part of the problem is a genuine conflict between the desirable features of attachment and passion and the inevitable sadness associated with them. Is it better to experience intense joy and sadness or remain unaffected through life's journey? I have tended to prefer the latter, and hence do not care much about the surprises luck doles out - both pleasant and not-so-pleasant. Of course, there are things I'm passionate about and people whose happiness concerns me more than my own at times. But I consciously make an effort to limit their number - especially when it comes to things. It has come to be that every new thing I acquire is regarded as a potential source of grief in the future. My rule has become, "Let the status quo continue, unless there is a strong case to be made for change." My attempt at balancing attachment and aversion to pain has also meant that the few things and persons that I do care about, I do so intensely and am ready to go to great lengths for them.

The other problem is the simpler one of lack of will power. Since coming to WIMWI, I have become laxer about sticking to my self-imposed rules. No serious lapses, but the seams have frayed. I almost never drank more than two cups of tea a day in Bombay, but I often do so here (which is against my aim of minimising milk consumption). My Cadbury consumption has gone through the roof. In early October, I stopped my 18-month long practice of accounting for my spending and have no idea how much I'm spending. I've been able to drastically cut down on TV though.

Since coming here, I've certainly deviated from my previous path (though I sense that the deviation began in the 3rd or 4th year of engineering itself). I've made closer friendships and have adopted a slightly more consumerist approach. The friendships have certainly bought me much pleasure. Not certain when and if the pain will follow. Consumerism will only lead to trouble and I better curb it to more desirable levels.

(End of what were not random, but nevertheless rather incoherent, thoughts).