Doubts before a long vacation

I just returned from an obligatory trip that I have to make before leaving Bombay for any significant length of time - the trip to Marine Drive. And as always, being on that stretch of road, that piece of real estate made me very happy and also a bit pensive. Today I was there with some friends and had a great time eating at Mafatlal's and catching Dor at a nearby multiplex. In between though I was at a place called Garedo Italiano (or something similar). And I had the equivalent of an icecream there - my first icecream in about six years. This was the first time that I was reinstating something onto the list of foods I permit myself to eat. This icecream, sorbetto to be exact, did not contravene my non-consumption of dairy rule, since it is made entirely of water and fruits. Yet, my dietary rules are part of a larger structure of abstemious behaviour which have helped me maintain a high degree of self-satisfaction through the past five-seven years. And that definitely faced its latest knock today.


I have constantly experimented with this abstemious behaviour, seeking to find the right balance between enjoying life and its myriad pleasures and not losing myself in the pursuit of all the wonderful things that life has to offer. This year in WIMWI has seen a complete collapse of this structure that I had buildup over the years. Financial discipline was the cornerstone of this edifice, with strict rules governing how much I would spend on various activities. Now, of course, I have been using the excuse of an impending job next year to spend money left and right without any regard to the propriety of my expenses. I used to buy books with a simple rule that I would never buy second-hand books and only buy a book once the previous one was finished. This helped me limit the number of books I read, increased the pleasure I derived out of reading each one and made me value each of my acquisitions. These past twelve months, I have been picking up one book after another, barely remembering even the names of those books :(

I have a very curious mindset and easily hanker after anything new, especially when that 'new' promises to increase my knowledge of the world. Yet, I have also this equally strong habit of not pursuing new activities and avenues. These contradictory tendencies have helped to limit my interests and allowed me to focus on the few things that I like. Every once in a while, I strike out and pick a new interest - Shakespeare, manga, the Beatles and economics are some topics that I have caught on to in the last 5 years - and settle down to learn more about that subject. In this form of punctauted equilibrium occur long periods of statis when I hardly concern myself with anything new and prefer to wallow in the comfort of the familiar.

In about 24 hours, I shall leave for a trip which promises to punctuate this equilibrium once more and leave my edifice of abstemious behaviour in further ruins. Have decided to splurge to the hilt during the next three months in Europe - spending freely on food, movies, plays, other arts, travelling, books and other goodies. And yet the trip would help me be alone and think about the many things I have not had a chance to, having being so close to my friends over the last year and a quarter. Yup, me and my diary (and its more public extension) will see each other often in the next few months.